


Fundamental Disconnect

by brodinsons (aeon_entwined)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 08:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2686883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeon_entwined/pseuds/brodinsons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ORIGINALLY POSTED: May 26, 2010</p><p>The Apocalypse has ended, but the universe still apparently has its sights set on making Sam’s life into a soap opera …</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fundamental Disconnect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [entanglednow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/entanglednow/gifts).



They’d saved the world, told the Angels what for, and somehow managed to get Bobby’s soul back from Crowley.

That is, before he finally took on a completely nomadic lifestyle and disappeared so he couldn’t be tailed by anyone hunting his hide. Which … basically encompassed every living demon on Earth.

Shortly after Sam sacrificed himself and pulled Michael into Lucifer’s cage with him, God made a decision.

After choosing to reward the brothers for their final choice, He brought Sam back from the hellish prison. On one condition: Lucifer was to accompany the younger Winchester, once again contained in his former vessel, while Michael was confined to Heaven under strict orders from their Father.

The terms were met, and currently, Lucifer is sitting at the desk in the Winchesters’ motel room, introducing himself to the Internet while the brothers look on apprehensively from their respective chairs.

This process goes on for a while, encompassing the consumption of a generous amount of alcohol on Dean’s part following frequent surprised noises coming from the Archangel and a frequent amount of eyebrow raising on Sam’s part.

Lucifer doesn’t seem to be tiring of his self-prescribed Internet lessons, Sam appears to be getting more and more apprehensive about that, and Dean is starting to feel _nicely_ buzzed. And that makes a lot of usually serious things pretty damn funny.

“Lucifer was inside youuuuu,” he singsongs at his brother, earning him a borderline-scandalized expression from Sam.

Honestly, he doesn’t see what the big deal is. It’s true. 

Then, Dean realizes the Archangel is staring at him. Not the _I am portending your doom_ stare, but the _I do not understand that reference_ stare.

“Christ … nice one, Dean,” Sam bitchfaces, fervently hoping Lucifer is just going to ignore that little slip and go back to whatever the hell he was doing.

Probably surfing porn. Or theology sites. Either one was probable.

But no. Apparently, the universe has decided that once again, its entire mission is to make his life a soap opera all over again.

“Sam, what does he mean?”

_Oh you have got to be kidding me._

“Uh, well …” Sam clears his throat. “He means you were inside me.”

For a few moments, there’s silence. And he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s skated over it.

“Yes, I was. But why is it a subject of amusement for him?”

“Well … because … being _inside_ someone usually means you’re having sex with them.” Sam grits out between clenched teeth, already glaring daggers at his brother for having forced him into explaining this.

Lucifer tilts his head, a habit frighteningly similar to Cas, and makes a face as though he thinks Sam is being inscrutable on purpose.

The hunter rolls his eyes. “Oh for Christ’s sake … Dean thought it would be funny to imply you and I were … fucking. Rather than what really happened.”

He tosses the last word at the Archangel as though he’s slightly afraid it’s going to come back and bite him in the ass. Which it probably will.

Finally, Lucifer’s eyes brighten slightly and he nods, apparently having grasped the concept.

Sam turns and glares at his brother again, only to find Dean’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Before he can open his mouth, he has a lapful of Archangel.

“Whoa! What the hell?” Dean literally falls off the bed in his haste to scramble aside.

Sam makes a helplessly surprised noise before Lucifer’s tongue is suddenly in his mouth and the Angel is literally _everywhere_ all at once.

“My eyes!” Dean yelps from where he landed on the carpet, quickly scrambling up and making a beeline for the door, slamming it behind him.

Meanwhile, Sam pushes and shoves at Lucifer until the Archangel finally deems it a priority to pull back enough to let the hunter breathe.

“Fuck,” Sam gulps oxygen, panting slightly as he stares at Lucifer, those alien blue eyes a little too close to be entirely comforting. “Dude … you can’t just _do_ stuff like that.”

The Archangel cants his head slightly, his expression slightly wounded. “But your brother implied that he was making a joke out of the fact that we had not yet engaged in sex.”

His voice sounds so much like someone just kicked his puppy that all of Sam’s disbelief and shock disappears in a rush. He opens his mouth, then closes it again, expression slightly ashamed.

“Well … um ….” he clears his throat again. “Do you … like me that way?” The look he gives the Archangel is a mix of incredulity and a small measure of something like anticipation.

Lucifer meets his gaze, then nods solemnly. “Yes.”

Sam blinks. 

He blinks again. Then makes a few probably unattractive attempts at speech before giving up entirely and leaning in to press a tentative kiss to the Archangel’s lips. It’s just a soft brush of pressure, entirely unsure.

Lucifer remains surprisingly docile, only pushing as much as Sam will allow and slowly winding his arms around the hunter’s torso.

“Mm,” the Archangel hums thoughtfully as Sam pulls away, lips already slightly kiss-swollen. “I’m glad I didn’t frighten you off.”

Sam rolls his eyes and gently swats Lucifer over the head, surprised at how easily he’s adapted to this sudden reversal. “Less talking, more kissing.”

Then, he allows the Archangel to pull him in, long fingers tangled in his hair, and he does his best to give himself rather obvious stubble burn over his jaw for the duration of tomorrow.

Explaining Dean’s joke to Lucifer? Yep, it totally came around to bite him in the ass. But, he thinks to himself, he doesn’t mind it as much as he’d thought.  



End file.
